Thursday, April 12, 2012

Shelly

Okay, I know I haven't posted in a while, well like two months, but that's besides the point. The point is that I've found something funny I want to share with any viewers that ever come onto my blog. This was from a challenge on Brandon Sanderson's blog, which was to write a short story using only dialogue.
So here it is! Enjoy!

“Have you ever considered that someone might not want to get naked with you?”
“No I can’t say I have. How can any woman resist this total sexiness?”
“Well, I am
definitely not attracted.”
“What? How is that even possible? I think you’re lying.”
“I don’t like you, Jake. And why couldn’t you have put a shirt on?”
“I am completely gorgeous.”
“So? You’re also a complete jack wagon.”
“What was that? You do want to get into bed with me? OW! What was that for?”
“You
so had it coming, creeper. It’s taking all my willpower not to tear you to shreads.”
“Oh, I see. You’re madly in love with me. That makes sense. Way more sense than you not feeling any attracting to my amazing physique.”
“No.”
“No what? You just said you wanted to tear me to shreads.”
“Yes, I did. That means I want to kill you, genius. And quit touching my arm like that!”
“Like what? OW!”
“Even someone as blatantly stupid as you should have seen that one coming.”
“I didn’t deserve that!”
“Yes, you did. And you deserve a bit -actually a lot- more than that, but I am going to be generous and give you ten seconds to get out of my apartment.”
“Or what?”
“I’ll go get my shotgun.”
“You keep a shotgun in here? Who does that?”
“I do. To keep creepers like you out. Now get.”
“But-”
“10... 9...”
“Okay, okay! I’m gettin’!”
“8... 7... 6...”
“Geez, some women! I’m out!”
“Good! Stay out!”
“So is that a no to sleeping with you?”
“You bet your pretty little behind it is! And if you set foot in here again, I will blow you to smithereens! And then I will call the cops.”
“Wow, Jake. You’ve got girl problems. Big time.”
“Not now, George. Can’t you see I’m in the middle of seducing a totally hot, sexy woman?”
“Not having much luck by the looks of it.”
“Go away already, George!”
“She’s already onto the shotgun and police threats? How long have you been at this?”
“That’s none of your business! Now go away!”
“You’re the one who should be hightailing it! I’ve got my shotgun and I am not afraid to use it!”
“Oh come on Shelly! Don’t be so mean! You know you want me and my total sexiness! I’m not leaving until you admit it!”
“I am calling the police!”
Sure you are. That’s what they all say before they open up their doors to me.”
“I can’t hear you! And frankly, I don’t really think I want to.  Yes officer, there’s a man outside my door who is sexually harassing me...”
“Oh crap. She really did call the police!”
“Mhm, he’s about five nine , skinny, green eyes, brown hair, wearing blue jeans, no shoes and no shirt with a necklace that has a star on it.”
“Oh crap! I’m getting out of here!”
“...is he gone? Ha! The shotgun and police trick always works! He’d better not come back, or I’ll call the police for real. Oh hey George.”
“Hi Shelly. Looking beautiful as always.”
“Thanks. What are you doing out here?”
“Enjoying the show.”

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